“The only person that can put myself down is me, and I’m not going to let myself do that anymore.”
On hindsight, I did it all to myself. It’s only when you’ve been released from the situation that you can look at it with a fresh pair of eyes. And I’ll admit it, I hurt myself. Instead of walking away from something that no longer served me, I made the mistake of staying because I thought it was worth it.
I’ve also come to realize how utterly ridiculous to pin your happiness on someone else. I’ve never known myself to be that kind of person. I always believed I was independent enough, you know, play by my own strings. But I guess some people have the ability to bring out certain parts of you. I made the mistake of living my life for someone else because I thought that the measure of love and loyalty is when you make a sacrifice. And of course, that led to a demise. If you’re not happy yourself, how can you even hope to be happy with someone else? Also at the end of the day, how do you know if someone appreciates it anyway? There’s no guarantee.
The point of this post isn’t to revisit the past or wake my demons up again. Of course not. I’m not one to live in the past. It simply serves a reminder. I guess that’s what I’ve been doing these few months – ensuring I have that room for myself too. To indulge in my own hobbies, dedicate my time to my own friends (those who dedicate their time to you too), putting my energy into building a career, making choices for myself, even simple things like treating myself to that dress I’ve always wanted or that holiday I’ve always wanted to go on.
It’s only when you know you can stand alone that you’re ready to stand with someone else. Lately, I’ve been feeling like the old me is coming back again. I’ve missed it. It truly is a good feeling.